Can you inherit someone's ghosts? Are they genetic?
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Interesting
"The first piece you write that your family hates means you've found your voice."
Posted by Decade Four at 1:14 PM 0 comments
Poland
I visited northern Poland this past week. One of the saddest moments for me this week was when I realized that some wounds are too deep to be healed in a lifetime.
Posted by Decade Four at 8:56 AM 0 comments
Monday, November 30, 2009
November 30, 2009 8:01pm Munich time
Funny thing I’m doing today.
Emailing the Dachau Memorial Library located at the site of the former camp. Sending them the names of my grandparents and their birthdates.
Sounds simpler than it is.
Had to find their birth certificates since I don’t even know their official names, nevermind their birthdays. On top of that, the paper for my grandfather are in Polish and those for my grandmother in German.
But what a surprise the prowess of Google Translator. It actually updates and changes the translation as you add more text.
Anyway, I’ve found a few interesting things along the way. First of all, I had no idea that my grandmother’s birthday is only one day after mine! Wow. Just these silly little things that I never knew.
The certificates have the towns where my grandparents were born in Poland and Austria respectively. Again, I had no idea and isn’t it strange the wonder of Google – I used google maps to find where those towns are located and it was not without a little bit of happiness that I discovered my grandmother’s birthplace is only a two and half hour drive from Munich!
I am still wondering though what town it was that my grandparents met in. I don’t know that yet.
I also found it strange that though my grandmother was born in 1916, that the birth certificate my mother provided for me is actually from November 16, 1942. This led me to try and get a feel for what the heck was going on around the time in the region my grandparents were located – of course, I still don’t know the dates they were at the camp so I can’t figure out what was going on geographical for them at this date.
I do know that they were out of the camp then because I believe their first post concentration camp child was born in 1941.
Posted by Decade Four at 2:09 PM 0 comments
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Researching the camp
I'm researching today - reading about Dachau, when it was established, why and what was done there. At the moment, I am struck by the sheer magnitude of the place - the number of prisoners - the fact that it was first established in 1933 - the number of nationalities imprisoned there - French, Belgian, Polish, Austrian, Germany, etc etc -
Posted by Decade Four at 1:00 PM 0 comments
Friday, November 27, 2009
I need a thousand lifetimes because I know just enough to make me dangerous
There is so much out there!
Posted by Decade Four at 3:42 PM 0 comments
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sometimes I think we American women's lib types don't know what we're missing
For example, I just learned today that Munich Airport has special parking for women so that they can be near elevators and entrances in the parking garage. Pretty sure Logan Airport hasn't thought of that yet.
Posted by Decade Four at 4:45 AM 0 comments
Friday, November 20, 2009
Oh!!
I seem to be on an Oprah posting slant lately, but what brought me to her today is the announcement of the end of her show after 25 seasons! I grew up with her! Oh Opee!! How can you leave us?!!
1. What you put out comes back all the time, no matter what. (This is my creed.)
2. You define your own life. Don't let other people write your script.
3. Whatever someone did to you in the past has no power over the present. Only you give it power.
4. When people show you who they are, believe them the first time. (A lesson from Maya Angelou.)
5. Worrying is wasted time. Use the same energy for doing something about whatever worries you.
6. What you believe has more power than what you dream or wish or hope for. You become what you believe.
7. If the only prayer you ever say is thank you, that will be enough. (From the German theologian and humanist Meister Eckhart.)
8. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.
9. Failure is a signpost to turn you in another direction.
10. If you make a choice that goes against what everyone else thinks, the world will not fall apart.
11. Trust your instincts. Intuition doesn't lie.
12. Love yourself and then learn to extend that love to others in every encounter.
13. Let passion drive your profession.
14. Find a way to get paid for doing what you love. Then every paycheck will be a bonus.
15. Love doesn't hurt. It feels really good.
16. Every day brings a chance to start over.
17. Being a mother is the hardest job on earth. Women everywhere must declare it so.
18. Doubt means don't. Don't move. Don't answer. Don't rush forward.
19. When you don't know what to do, get still. The answer will come.
20. "Trouble don't last always." (A line from a Negro spiritual, which calls to mind another favorite: This, too, shall pass.)
So thanks, Gene, for asking me the question.
Posted by Decade Four at 2:18 PM 0 comments
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Full circle
A la Oprah of course, I come to you with a "full circle moment" for this morning. Well, morning where I am anyway.
Posted by Decade Four at 5:35 AM 0 comments
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Expat dinner
It's funny the energy that flows when a group of expat women get together. Tonight at the table of a local Vietnamese restaurant, with only four total, sat 1 pregnant Brit, one Australian mother of two, an engaged American, another married American and myself.
Posted by Decade Four at 5:41 PM 0 comments
Ah the things we say...
So much media,
Posted by Decade Four at 12:57 PM 0 comments
Monday, October 26, 2009
Wet phones, FB and fixes
Have you ever dropped your cell phone in the toilet? Or maybe you put it through the washing machine? Getting your phone wet pretty much means it's no longer going to be of any use to you. UNTIL NOW!
Posted by Decade Four at 12:33 PM 0 comments
Hindered by Kindern
It seems ironic that once a gal hits her stride, professionally, personally, etc, she is then confronted with what to do regarding children.
Posted by Decade Four at 10:33 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 19, 2009
Ins and Outs
Does who you "fundamentally are" - who you are on the inside - really matter when the whole world can only see the outside?
Posted by Decade Four at 5:43 AM 2 comments
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Expat Wife, Funny Life
So, now I'm an expat wife.
Posted by Decade Four at 10:03 AM 2 comments
Monday, August 24, 2009
He said...
"People can hear their inner voices with great clarity and live by what they hear..."
Posted by Decade Four at 11:01 PM 0 comments
Thursday, July 23, 2009
This whole Gates thing is bothering me.... does class + race = progress?
Apparently I'm not the only one with all the media talk that has been going around.
Posted by Decade Four at 1:30 PM 0 comments
Monday, July 6, 2009
Well, I'll be damned - ladies get your hormones tested now
Posted by Decade Four at 6:56 PM 2 comments
Topics http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_9miQvgsPuw4/Sljo07RH3bI/AAAAAAAAAO0/o13hv8qifWI/s320/estriol+3D.png
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Innovative way to support citizen journalism in Iran
From a friend on Facebook:
If you are on Twitter, set your location to Tehran and your time zone to GMT +3.30. Security forces are hunting for bloggers using location/timezone searches. The more people at this location, the more of a logjam it creates for forces trying to shut Iranians' access to the internet down. Cut & paste & pass it on.
Posted by Decade Four at 12:31 PM 0 comments
Monday, June 8, 2009
Hm - Cambridge Who's Who
Given all my chatter about quitting jobs and failing out of law school, imagine my surprise when I received a letter today from "Cambridge Who's Who."
At first I thought, how lovely, it said:
"You were recently appointed as a biographical candidate to represent Boston, MA in the 2009/2010 online Cambridge Who's Who Registry among Executive and Professional Women.
Having worked in marketing I've seen a zillion of these different listing companies. Many firms are very interested in having their professionals recognized - Martindale Hubbell, Interlaw and Chambers are just a few. I thought maybe because I've worked for some high profile people, that someone found my name from the website of one of my former companies.
But, then I skipped to the very fine print at the bottom of the letter:
"Cambridge Who's Who is proudly not associated or affiliated with any other Who's Who Publication or Organization."
Since when are people proudly not affiliated? That was a pretty major red flag.
I also noted that the letter was signed "M. Foster." Generally, I find that if someone sends you a letter it's because they want a response. If you send a letter to me stating you are "M" then you don't want me to find you and I'm more likely to think you are a Lord of the Rings character. Nice try.
Finally, a good old Google search once again proved itself to be every gals best friend. After reading this post, I knew I had to put my delusions of grandeur aside and call a scam a scam.
Sad.
Ah well. Next time!
Posted by Decade Four at 5:48 PM 0 comments
Monday, June 1, 2009
Survival
So, I resigned - or quit. Or was fired. Depends on your perspective. The deciding moment for me was when I stated to the European partner, I would like to stay, but only if there is support for me to continue to stay. Her response, "Well, I never had any faith in you from the beginning..."
Alright. That was all I needed to hear. Thank you. We picked my last day (Wednesday) and I've been alternating between excitement, disappointment, frustration and sadness since.
So, now "Survival".
I go back and forth between strategies for managing life, work, money etc. I used to believe you should set a goal then impose a structure on that which you are responsible for managing. I pretty much used this approach up until the last couple of years. I think it was moderately successful. Then, I met my husband. He did not have this approach. He was more of the revolving responsibility type. Like, the bill arrives, you pay it. An email comes, you answer it. People want something, you give it to them. And, frankly, we could make the argument he has been more successful:
Grad school - he finished, I didn't
Money - he makes more
Enemies - he has none
Jobs - he keeps them
Career - works for a respectable company that respects him
So, as you might imagine, I thought I was doing something wrong and decided to adopt his "take it as it comes" approach. To clarify, for awhile before adopting his philosophy, I thought he was wrong. Over the years though, his approach has seemed to consistently bring him success (see above). As a disclaimer, I do feel the need to point out it's not clear that I have all the relevant information needed to draw conclusions as to which approach is better. I might be oversimplifying.
But to summarize the results of me using his "take it as it comes" approach:
That shit didn't pan out for me either. (see above where I say that I resigned)
Interestingly, lately he seems to be shifting to the disciplined method and, in fact, since last week, has been telling me I need to be more structured. Hardly seems fair!
More interestingly though, I was watching one of these wilderness survival shows "Man vs Wild" this weekend. The host, a crazy, but quite handsome, Brit named Bear Grylls (I kid you not) found himself in a bit of a predicament. He had been dropped into the Great Plains with little more than a rucksack and a mess kit and was challenged to survive among the rapidly shifting elements and uncertain terrain.
As he stood there skinning a snake he just caught for dinner or assembling a torch from green sapling and birch bark, I can't remember which, he looked into the camera and plainly stated something like, "The key to survival is taking control of your environment."
Call it what you will - an Oprah-like "aha" moment; Eureka; BGO (blinding glimpse of the obvious), etc etc - but at that moment, any doubt I had about how to move forward was removed. In doubt's place was the realization that to get on with things, I'd first have to put things into order.
No doubt, millions have realized this before me. Gandhi sought sanitary reform by Indians in South Africa for similar reasons. Voltaire's Candide famously states, "Il faut cultiver notre jardin." For me, I knew it, then doubted it, and now know it again.
Posted by Decade Four at 12:28 PM 0 comments
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Dazed and Confused
But not high... unfortunately.
Sometimes in life you stand, looking out at the future and asking yourself, what the hell am I going to do now?
They say blogging about work is wrong. Blah (insert photo of my middle finger).
My job. Started in September 2008. I took a risk to do new sales for a start-up. Hadn't worked in the industry before. Only one other person in the office. 3 months in she quit. I start running everything - HR, client service, operations, marketing, sales, etc etc etc - with a mind to the potential for financial and personal upside. Simultaneously, the economy doesn't just stop growing, but actually starts shrinking. We make a rash hiring decision I don't agree with. 3 weeks later I have to fire that rash hiring decision - based on my stubbornness not to make the same decision twice, we get a great person the second-time around. I train him - it is now mid-April - I've been busting my ass non-stop alone in an office and grown a little potbelly as evidence of such - our 3 biggest clients start pulling in the reins and stop sending us business - our sales shrink by more than 50% - not because of our performance but due to lack of demand from their clients.
I am blamed and find out through an email that was accidentally forwarded to me that someone from our overseas HQ is coming over on a recon mission and also to find a replacement for me. I go to the US based partner to confirm that this is happening - basically he doesn't agree with the European partner that this should take place. Great. No one knows what the hell is going on. No one is making any hard and fast decisions. He says - I dunno - maybe in a month I will be gone?
What do I do? The end of my tenure doesn't seem to be a forgone conclusion. There is still potential for growth and I think sales from our clients will grow soon. But, when one of the partners doesn't want you there anymore, they can make your life hell. There is the other small issue of my own morale at this point.
Do I:
a. stay, coast and let them fire me.
b. dig in and fight to grow the business and keep this job.
c. take control and quit immediately or decide an end date?
a. Easy, but demoralizing.
b. Hard. Uncertain. Potentially really good, really bad or in the middle both emotionally and professionally.
c. Healthy. The only problem is that I have to decide what to do next.
thinking...
Posted by Decade Four at 10:31 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Blog Therapy
Usually, when I write a post, I feel better afterward. This last post only led me to do something we'll fondly refer to as, well ... gee, the only word that comes to mind is defecate. Don't ask me why I am publishing this. I have a strong feeling I will regret it from the moment I hit "publish post".
But, more women should write about that doncha think? - I'm pretty and I poo!
Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I think I have to admit why I'm upset, for real, in order to work through it. The problem is, I am afraid I won't be able to muster up the damn energy needed to deal with the situation - by not admitting it, I don't have to do anything about it.
But, then my fear of regret is telling me that I need to admit it, deal with it and move on, because if I don't, I risk looking back sometime in the future and wondering why I was such an ass. Then, I run the even bigger risk of giving myself yet another reason to criticize myself - something I definitely don't need. So essentially, it seems to be coming down to, criticize myself now, or, criticize myself later. Hm . .. .. nope, not going down that rabbit hole.
Alright, on to the thing I have to admit today. I'm a procrastinator.
haha, nope, that's not it!
Bwah haaa - that little bit of funny gave me a good chuckle - who needs friends when you can make yourself laugh! Haa!
Alright ... I'm afraid of doing sales! Yes! I am not down with picking up the phone and being on the shitty end of the vulnerability stick (ps my job is sales). I enjoy marketing more! I do not like feeling desperate and cheap and trying so hard to plan out my words and listen carefully to what the other end of the phone is saying so as to perfectly bleat out every breath and tone and ooh and ahh and unhuh in response.
And, I think that fear is making me take a bad situation (no strong leadership/no agreement on strategy/bad economy) and make it worse.
There are so many ugly things down the road this week - I think I'll be the subject of a lot of criticism - it's hard not to care - which is where I wish I was right now - and I would just quit but I've got this great new co-worker and he (don't worry - his orientation doesn't swing my way) is seriously the best ally/unexpected fresh face to come along in awhile and reminds me of old parts of myself I can't seem to find anymore. If I leave, I lose a buddy and leave them behind with a mess I don't think they are equipped to handle. At least someone values me.
Posted by Decade Four at 10:55 PM 0 comments
Hi there
So, it's been awhile......
Didja miss me?
I come to you this evening with a question - what is the point of growth?
I took a business development job in start-up company in September. And we all know what happened then. The economy hit the pooper. And the company where I am the only business development person is no exception. I may be feeling particularly low today because we delivered the sales report to the partners and they were not happy.
There are a whole host of other things that have gone on since January. The thing I find most depressing, not the fact that the only other employee left to start her own company taking company secrets with her, not the fact that projects seem to be smaller and less frequent, not the fact that my retard CEO made me physically interview 25 people in one week only to have to fire that bad hire 3 weeks later, not the fact that I had to trick the partners into letting me use a recruiter to get the next person in.... nope, none of that - the thing that I find most depressing is that I've gained 8 pounds since January. The skin on my arms feels like Dumbo's ears.
If I can grow, why can't the company?
Posted by Decade Four at 10:42 PM 0 comments