Wednesday, June 30, 2010

It seems....

I never get tired of getting upset about weddings. An article on "In Defense of Plus +1s" got my attention yesterday. As I saw it, the author's tone was pejorative toward couples who are in the process of planning their weddings. He was particularly bent out of shape because he had been invited to weddings without being allowed to bring a guest.

Well, you can read the article here and see for yourselves where you stand on the issue. I felt VERY compelled to respond, along with what seems to be the rest of the universe - there are hundreds of posts with a slew of interpretations. I was feeling particularly proud of myself and my snarky little response post and so I thought I would share it with you.

Of course, I recommend reading the original article first, and then my response.

Decade Four
Maybe the right way to handle +1s is more like, "It depends"? Maybe there is no hard and fast rule? Why should weddings be like a McDonald's franchise - every gesture as uniform as a perfectly timed deep fryer? Maybe our CRITICAL THINKING skills allow for INDIVIDUALITY?

My ‘+1 rule’ was to make sure everyone had someone familiar around. Some got +1s (college gfs), other's (undergrad cousin’s w/ close family there) didn't. My mother got 3. She is single, 2 of her ex-husbands were at the wedding (fun!), her family lived abroad and wasn’t coming. Guess what? She didn't bring anyone! She was so excited about the day, didn't think she needed a +1 and walked down the aisle alone, yet confident.

Maybe the author could forgive IF he realized the wedding isn't “his happiness vs the evil couple”. Do these innumerable decisions revolve around him? Cake, ceremony, music, flowers, food, seating, venue, groom's wear, wedding party, decorations, alcohol, time, date, length, cost, first dance, caterer, dj? band?, rings, bridesmaids, groomsmen, payment strategy, payment method, parents pay? pay yourselves? gown, shoes, make-up, hair, sit-down, buffet or champagne & cake? f^cking etc.

It's clear he's never planned a wedding and has an inflated sense of self - "Look at me! I've got mad guest picking skillz! My +1s are cooler than your wedding guests!" So… +1s are allowed IF said +1s are cool? Uncool +1s are expendable? I’m sure the author dictates the ‘objective’ standard for cool.

Spouse are “grumbling tagalongs…We don’t select [them] on the basis of their social skills” Spoken like someone who isn't in love or happily married. Plenty of “tagalongs” probably know the bride & groom, and maybe even LIKE them and will DANCE and have FUN with them!

"The point of a wedding is excess" Really? What is excess? All excess is not equal. How can he be so confident in his definition? He thinks detractors from his take on social appropriateness (customized to serve him & his non-married cool friends) should be chastised. Fascistic much?

Also, I won't forgive your insolence. And, subtractionist ideology? The couple is in this predicament is b/c their glasses are half full (note the willingness to marry). They’re trying to INclude people.

Fascistic valuation of control of pleasure? What is that? Besides, wtf do you think a wedding is? Prioritizing pleasure over control? It’s a rite of social passage – loss & gain. Common the world over. And a painful one. The couple has to find a way to get through together. Married couples across America un-affectionately remember guests like the whiney author who made planning more difficult & complained, "I want it MY way! Wahhh!"

Did your mother take your video games away to make you finish your blog post? Feeling cynical bc/c she is weaning you off the teat? Maybe she said it was time to move out? But, I get it. You're 35, single and still living at home – really, who wants to do their own laundry and make their own breakfast?
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Anonymous said...

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Decade Four said...

Hi Jack,

Thanks for the interest. Any chance you could let me know where you plan to use the info?

You can email me at if you prefer not to share that information in the comments section.