Blog Therapy

Usually, when I write a post, I feel better afterward. This last post only led me to do something we'll fondly refer to as, well ... gee, the only word that comes to mind is defecate. Don't ask me why I am publishing this. I have a strong feeling I will regret it from the moment I hit "publish post".

But, more women should write about that doncha think? - I'm pretty and I poo!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. I think I have to admit why I'm upset, for real, in order to work through it. The problem is, I am afraid I won't be able to muster up the damn energy needed to deal with the situation - by not admitting it, I don't have to do anything about it.

But, then my fear of regret is telling me that I need to admit it, deal with it and move on, because if I don't, I risk looking back sometime in the future and wondering why I was such an ass. Then, I run the even bigger risk of giving myself yet another reason to criticize myself - something I definitely don't need. So essentially, it seems to be coming down to, criticize myself now, or, criticize myself later. Hm . .. .. nope, not going down that rabbit hole.

Alright, on to the thing I have to admit today. I'm a procrastinator.
haha, nope, that's not it!

Bwah haaa - that little bit of funny gave me a good chuckle - who needs friends when you can make yourself laugh! Haa!

Alright ... I'm afraid of doing sales! Yes! I am not down with picking up the phone and being on the shitty end of the vulnerability stick (ps my job is sales). I enjoy marketing more! I do not like feeling desperate and cheap and trying so hard to plan out my words and listen carefully to what the other end of the phone is saying so as to perfectly bleat out every breath and tone and ooh and ahh and unhuh in response.

And, I think that fear is making me take a bad situation (no strong leadership/no agreement on strategy/bad economy) and make it worse.

There are so many ugly things down the road this week - I think I'll be the subject of a lot of criticism - it's hard not to care - which is where I wish I was right now - and I would just quit but I've got this great new co-worker and he (don't worry - his orientation doesn't swing my way) is seriously the best ally/unexpected fresh face to come along in awhile and reminds me of old parts of myself I can't seem to find anymore. If I leave, I lose a buddy and leave them behind with a mess I don't think they are equipped to handle. At least someone values me.

Hi there

So, it's been awhile......

Didja miss me?

I come to you this evening with a question - what is the point of growth?

I took a business development job in start-up company in September. And we all know what happened then. The economy hit the pooper. And the company where I am the only business development person is no exception. I may be feeling particularly low today because we delivered the sales report to the partners and they were not happy.

There are a whole host of other things that have gone on since January. The thing I find most depressing, not the fact that the only other employee left to start her own company taking company secrets with her, not the fact that projects seem to be smaller and less frequent, not the fact that my retard CEO made me physically interview 25 people in one week only to have to fire that bad hire 3 weeks later, not the fact that I had to trick the partners into letting me use a recruiter to get the next person in.... nope, none of that - the thing that I find most depressing is that I've gained 8 pounds since January. The skin on my arms feels like Dumbo's ears.

If I can grow, why can't the company?

December. An odd month.

Here is a calendar of my month.

Dec 12
DSF's company has layoffs. We survive.

Dec 23
The only other person in my company quits. I am now the only employee.

Dec 24
I go on vacation for 3 weeks. During that time I...

Dec 31
...get married

Top Ten Ways To Know You're Dating/Married To A Consultant

• Referred to the first month of your relationship as a "diagnostic period". 
  
• Talks to the waiter about process flow when dinner arrives late. 
  
• Takes a half day at the office because, "Sunday is your day." 
  
• Congratulates your parents for successful value creation. 
  
• Tries to call room service from the bedroom. 
  
• Ends any argument by saying, "let's talk about this off-line." 
  
• Celebrates anniversary by conducting a performance review. 
  
• Can't be trusted with the car-too accustomed to beating up rentals. 
  
• Valentine's Day card has bullet points. 
  
• Refers to lovemaking as a "win-win".
  

Obsédée

Obsédée. Je suis tellement obsédée de Emily Loizeau.

A realization

All the time I spent waiting to exhale, it turns out he was too.

This whole shit storm is unbelievable.

Mood today: Incredulous.

Let's see - Hillary preaches sex education and evolution and her daughter went to two top universities then worked at one of the world's top consulting firms ... bad girl!

Palin preaches abstinence education and creationism and her daughter is oh... what? Seventeen and pregnant? What a great example for women and girls everywhere!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No "all caps" today.

You know, when I look back at that post from the other day, I think to myself, "Am I bi-polar?"

I wonder if you gentle reader my have asked yourself the same thing?

I'm pretty sure I'm not but hey, I'm no doctor so one can't really be sure. I'm in the middle of thinking about the wording for my invitation and I'm not feeling nearly as frustrated as the other day I'm glad to report. I almost feel like there was some strange initiation that I had to go through in my head to reach the point of calm afterward.

Here's to hoping that I don't sweat the small stuff in the coming months.

By the way, here is my inspiration for my New Year's wedding...

AND ANOTHER THING

I AM STILL PISSED AND WILL REMAIN AS SUCH FOR A LONG FUCKING TIME.

THIS WHOLE WEDDING SHIT IS SUCH A THROW BACK - I FEEL LIKE CHATTEL - AND NO I'M NOT GETTING WALKED DOWN THE ISLE - AND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS WHOLE ISLE THING ANYWAY? I THOUGHT I WAS HAVING A SECULAR WEDDING?

CATHOLICS HATE WOMEN TOO SO SCREW THOSE TRADITIONS. WHAT IS THE OINT OF MY EDUCATION AND WORK EXPERIENCE???? HUUH ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? DID IT MAKE MY WOMB MORE FERTILE? MAYBE THAT'S WHY. WHY DID I HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO BE INDEPENDENT IF NOW I'M SUPPOSED TO ACT LIKE I SOME WISPY MAIDEN WHO IS JUST EMBARKING ON HER LIFE!!! 

I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU!!!!!!!!! I'M NOT!!!!!!!!!

 I'M SO GLAD I GOT AN EDUCATION SO THAT I COULD MAKE IMPORTANT DECISIONS ABOUT WHETHER TO WEAR AN A-LINE OR A SHEATH STYLE DRESS AND FLOWERPETALS AND OTHER STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT.

I'M WEARING RED WITH MY BOOBS HANGING OUT.

THE EFFECT OF THESE ALL CAPS IS WEARING OFF.

Throwing a wedding sucks balls

I find that men are sexist by omission and women by commission when it comes to this whole bridal industry.

Dresses. What kind of bullshit is this? I went to a bridal salon/evening gown place and those sons of bitches wouldn't tell me the name of the designer of the dress I was trying on. The dress retailed in the thousands - I was there because there was a sample sale - and these bitches wouldn't tell me the designer. What kind of asshole spends thousands of dollars on a product for which they don't know the maker?

These a-holes wanted me to fill out a card about myself that said all kinds of important things like - what was my mother's name and contact information? What was the date of my wedding? Did I hear about them because I'm registered on The Knot.com? Well FUCK YOU WEDDING INDUSTRY MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!! I HATE HOW CHEATING AND SEXIST YOU ARE!!!  YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I AM A DUMB BRAINLESS ASSHOLE THAT HAS NO CONCEPT OF THE VALUE OF MONEY. 

DID I MENTION FUCK YOU? NO I AM NOT DOING A BOUQUET TOSS THAT WILL HUMILIATE THE SINGLE WOMEN AT THE WEDDING. NO I AM NOT LETTING SOME MOTHERFUCKER PUT A GARTER ON MY LEG AND I AM NOT WEARING WHITE BECAUSE - NEWSFLASH - I'M THIRTY FUCKING YEARS OLD AND I AM NOT A VIRGIN!!! I AM NOT REGISTERING BECAUSE I ALREADY HAVE 5 FUCKING COFFEEMAKERS AND I AM NOT GIVING OUT BATSHIT CRAZY STUPID OVERPRICED WEDDING FAVORS JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO.

FUCK THE WEDDING INDUSTRY AND EVERYONE WHO WORKS IN IT. YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES.

Visual delight

Madonna says:

"If you can't say, 'I will die if I don't do it,' then you shouldn't do it," she says of shooting for the stars.

About 1999, Jesse Jackson fathered a baby out of wedlock.

So, I didn't know this - maybe I had my head up my ass at the time. (The news came out around the time I graduated college so I was probably freaking out about something else at that time.)

Anyhoo, given Jesse Jackson's seeming distaste for Obama, maybe he's just oversensitive. Maybe JJ is projecting his own guilt and shame from the past onto Obama's comments. Sure, it was while ago, but JJ's daughter is probably about 9 years old now and likely becoming ever more aware of the world around her, so it's not like he or the rest of his family has the luxury to forget and move on. He lives with his choice everyday.

Obviously, it is ironic that he would be upset about Obama telling fathers to be more accountable to their children. Sounds to me like Mr. Jackson has some inner turmoil going on.

To interpret him positively would be to say he is a conflicted but ultimately honorable man who may be haunted by the demons of his tumultuous beginnings, having also been born out of wedlock and into poverty himself.

A negative slant would be that he is a big, hypocritical slut (sorry, I think this word should be de-feminized) who can't keep it in his pants and found the best way to curry favor with the public was to come clean - both when the news of his affair/child broke and now. First rule of PR is to acknowledge wrongdoing and then indicate what steps are being taken to remedy the situation. (And btw, America never gets tired of this routine.)

Of course the "truth" is somewhere in the middle.

Heh heh

Telemarketing outsourced to India?

Sitting here at a large US corporation, I just got a call from a telemarketer asking to speak with my HR department. Generally this is not remarkable.

In this specific instance, it was however. I'm pretty sure the call came from India - you all know the telltale clues - the accent combined with the hum of a large call center in the background.

I can't prove it on just this one example (though I'm sure a quick Google search would help), but I'll speculate that telemarketing has now been outsourced, too.